this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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