I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
