She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
