took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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