i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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