did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
