Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
