She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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