I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
