i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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