very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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