I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
