I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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