You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My friends, they love my intelligence
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
