He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
