the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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