he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
