Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
