All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
