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pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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