I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
