I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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