dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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