i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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