when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
