I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
