I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
