...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
