you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
