Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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