It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
