I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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