Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
