sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
