i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
