We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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