yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
