'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
