She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
