"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
