Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
