P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
