Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
