you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
