Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
