I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
