Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
