Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
