Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
