i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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