Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
