"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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