I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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