I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
