i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
