4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well you can't waste a boner
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love you.
Bad choice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
