My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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