Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
