help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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