would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
