If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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