What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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