there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Houston, we have a blender
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
