I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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