yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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