just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
