I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize