she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
