The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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