She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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