that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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