Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
