does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
