I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
