he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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