I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
