no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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