no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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