On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
