Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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