Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
